Saying Goodbye
My dog and I have a favorite walking path. It’s a little nature preserve attached to our local park. She can run through tall grass, chase squirrels up trees, and get tangled in brambles. She loves it.
It’s also the place I can go to ground myself, to connect with the Earth’s energy. I can feel the spirits of nature there. The ground is almost electric.
This week, as we walked the beloved paths of our little preserve, the image of a former co-worker slammed into my head. It wasn’t gentle, or one of those passing thoughts we all sometimes get. This hit me like a freight train. His face filled my mind, and it made me stop in my tracks.
Between 2019 and 2020, I was the executive assistant for a VP of an agricultural company. Our team was unique. I know a lot of people are close with their co-workers, but this was different. We were family. We truly loved each other. It was an experience I had never had before, and I haven’t found since. I don’t believe I ever will.
So when this co-worker’s face showed up in my head, I told myself I would text him when I got home, just to check up on him. But of course the rest of my day was filled with work meetings and spreadsheets, and that text slipped my mind.
My friend died that day.
I’ll never get to send that text, because I waited. I thought I would have time.
We’ve entered the twilight season, the time when the Earth is giving us the last of her strength before settling in to rest for a while. The time when the darkness prepares to take the stage, when the stillness of winter forces us to spend time with ourselves, tucked into warm houses with blankets and hot cups.
My ancestors prepared during this time for Samhain, the summer’s end. Samhain celebrated the end of the harvest and the beginning of the the dark half of the year. They scanned the heavens, watching for the stars that signaled the beginning of winter. These ancient Celts knew the veil between the living and the dead was thinnest now, and they honored and welcomed their ancestors, while warding off harmful spirits. Communal bonfires were lit, and offerings were tossed into the flames. Hearth fires were extinguished and relit with the bonfire to prepare the homes for the long winter ahead, and to look forward to the spring that would come when the Crone would be reborn as the Maiden.
Stories were told around fires, games were invented to pass the long nights, songs were sung. Families were together.
Learning the path of the green witch is forcing me to get to know myself on a deep level. I’m learning to connect with the life force that is present in all things, learning how to tap into that energy, and learning how to give my energy back. There is power in that energy, a power that has always existed, and will continue to exist. A power that exists on the wheel of time, with no beginning and no ending.
This journey is also showing me a different way to consider death. As an evangelical, we had very specific beliefs about death. We were raised to believe we were secure in our afterlives, that the plan was established from the beginning of creation, and that streets of gold would be waiting for us. But even though I thought I had “the truth”, death terrified me. I would lie awake at night, afraid to sleep, thinking that if I died in my sleep I would wake up in hell. So, I would say the sinner’s prayer again. And again. And again.
It never seemed enough. I never felt the peace that so many people in my church talked about. There was an elder who would give her testimony regularly, and she would say, “I know that I know that I know I’m going to heaven when I die!”. I was so jealous of her assurance.
Leaving evangelicalism behind has changed my life in so many ways. I’ve connected to my heritage in ways I would have never been able to in the church. I’m able to explore the ancient religion of my ancestors, to learn to appreciate the ground we walk on, to recognize the thread of connection that runs through it all.
I’m also able to recognize the very real ability to celebrate and honor the magic that exists in the mundane, the everyday magic that permeates everything, without having to depend on or believe in a deity.
I was always taught to fear witchcraft, that it was “of the devil”. We were to avoid anything that even hinted at devil worship. Anything that was considered occult was feared and rejected. Evangelicals do not understand that it is possible to be a Christian witch, or Buddhist witch, or an atheist witch. Religion can either be central to or nonexistent in the witch’s practice. Witchcraft is a very personal thing, and because of this, the types of witchcraft are varied and numerous. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to practice witchcraft.
Evangelicals vehemently deny that it is possible to be a Christian witch. They site Bible verses that warn against the craft, and even go so far as to say that the lake of fire is reserved for those who practice.
And the main reason evangelicals are so opposed to witchcraft? It’s all about control.
The entire evangelical doctrine is built upon the idea that man is a fallen creature, filled with sin and incapable of a moral life apart from Christ. Pastors and Sunday School teachers never pass up an opportunity to tell congretations and students that they are all worthless without God. Even the very notion of self esteem is considered a sin. Believers should never take pride in anything they do, instead giving all the glory to God. Believers should never think they have the ability to do anything on their own. Don’t believe me? Here are a few examples of hymns we sang almost weekly:
Alas! And did my Savior bleed
And did my Sovereign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I?At the cross, at the cross
Where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my heart rolled away,
It was there by faith I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!At the Cross, Isaac Watts and Ralph E. Hudson
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.Amazing Grace, John Newton
Verse 1
Beneath the cross of Jesus I fain would take my stand,
The shadow of a mighty rock within a weary land;
A home within the wilderness, a rest upon the way,
From the burning of the noontide heat, and the burden of the day.Verse 2
Upon that cross of Jesus mine eye at times can see
The very dying form of One Who suffered there for me;
And from my stricken heart with tears two wonders I confess;
The wonders of redeeming love and my own worthlessness.Verse 3
I take, O cross, thy shadow for my abiding place;
I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face;
Content to let the world go by to know no gain or loss,
My sinful self my only shame, my glory all the cross.Beneath the Cross of Jesus, Elizabeth C. Clephane
Dr. Steven Hassan is a mental health counselor, author, and creator of the Bite Model. BITE stands for Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional Control. The evangelical church hits the mark in every category.
BITE Model Diagram, Dr. Steven Hassan
The goal of a cult is to instill fear, doubt, and guilt in its members, wearing them down until they will follow any directions given by the leader. The evangelical church’s leader just happened to be executed 2000 years ago.
Witchcraft celebrates the person, encourages individuality, and trusts the witch to make good decisions. There is no centralized creed, no demand of tithe. There is no rulebook, no dogma. As a matter of fact, most witches create their own journals to document their spells, thoughts, and intentions. These journals become, in a way, sacred to the individual witch, used to study, to expand knowledge, to allow the forces of nature to speak through them.
In other words, witchcraft encourages the practitioner to trust themselves, to connect with the universe, and to find ways to better themselves and the world around them. This belief takes power away from evangelical leaders, and risks tipping the whole house of cards.
My friend died.
Grief and sadness are fresh, but they will give way to sweet rememberance and fond memories, funny stories and remember whens. The path I am traveling now teaches me that life continues, even when it ends. Leaves fall, the ground freezes, and trees go to sleep. But spring always follows the cold winter, The light once again takes control, and the earth awakens. I no longer fear death, but recognize it as a part of life, the continuous circle that goes on and on. We are parts of that circle, our forms and contributions changing with time, but never disappearing. We feed the earth just as it feeds us, and we continue on.